Unicorns, Rainbows and National Security

Yesterday, President Obama gave a speech at the National Archives.  Below is the AP report:

WASHINGTON – In soaring rhetoric accompanied by unicorns, rainbows and leprecauns, Barack Obama floated through his logic for closing the evil Bush-era gulag known as Guantanamo Bay prison.  The AP reporter in attendance broke into song, praising Obama.  ABC, NBC and CNN reporters present threw flowers and olive branches and wept.  The MSNBC reporter self-immolated on an Obama alter and set off the fire alarms.  Keith Olberman presented an interpretive dance in honor of the appearance.

Several bystanders were treated for seared corneas resulting from Olberman’s sparkling gold legging clad appendages.

The TOTUS was also present, lending gravitas to the event.

Michelle Obama’s arms were not.

The man formerly known as Vice President Dick Cheney, led conservative critics in what was called a “speech” by his handlers armed with stun guns and tasers.  We would report the “speech” but were unable to distinguish understandable human speech between the sputters and hissing.

At least, that is how I read it.  Full transcript here.

The most offensive bit of that “report” was this sentance –While Obama sought to sway critics, the wounds opened in the United States on Sept. 11, 2001, still may remain too fresh to be salved by Obama’s densely crafted visions to hold sway.

Densely crafted visions my left butt cheek.  What the heck does that even mean?  I’ll tell you what “remains too fresh” to be salved by visions –

FBI arrest four in alleged plot to bomb Bronx synagogues, shoot down plane

THAT remains fresh.

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