Grateful Earth Day

To celebrate this ridiculous “holiday”, I’ll list a few ways our pristine, lovely wonderful world can kill us without any anthropogenic global warming needed.  See, if Earth was a woman, she’s a cutter.

  • Volcanoes (general).  Volcanic activity can change the climate in days.  It also spews tons of “pollutants” into the atmosphere in seconds.  Volcanoes destroy forests, lakes, land and can choke the air with ash.  Also, they are pretty.  Mt. St. Helens did lots of damage.  Here’s to the mountian.
  • Yellowstone (specific).    The entire area of Yellowstone is an enormous caldera.  In case you don’t know what that means, it’s a great big huge volcano that, when it next erupts, will kill pretty much everyone in the middle of the country.  It will certainly cause LOTS of mayhem with the atmosphere.
  • Tsunamis.  Obviously, tectonically related, tsunamis kill people.  Remember the 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami?  It also caused quite a bit of ecological damage.
  • Killer Lakes. This phenomenon is fascinating.  Carbon Dioxide springs releasing this gas deep into the lake saturate the water.  When something happens to agitate the balance, the lake erupts, turns red and every animal nearby dies.
  • Sink Holes.  They can suck your home, car, business, maybe even a panda, down into the earth.
  • Hurricanes/Typhoons/Cyclones.  Wheeee!  These are not made worse by AGW.  They just are hecka damaging.
  • Tornadoes.  They can level an entire forest or town in seconds.  There was one in 1925 that crossed three states and killed buckets of people.  It also ripped through much of the natural landscape and tore it to crap.
  • Floods.  What do 300,000,000,000 gallons of water do?  Anything it wants.  Water is like an 800 pound gorilla that way.  When the map says “flood plain”, it’s a good idea to build elsewhere or build on stilts.
  • Ice Ages.  I can only imagine the outcry from some “environmentalist” screaming that we have to stop the encroachment of glaciers across what is now Minnesota.  Stop the Glaciers!  Good luck with that.  When the climate changes, it just does.  It’s like the Terminator that way, you can’t kill it, you can’t stop, it will always come for you.
  • El Nino/La Nina.  Bothersome changes in ocean temperature in the Pacific mess with weather everywhere.  Even National Geographic call them “Nature’s Vicious Cycle”.  The little brats.
  • Drought.  You’ll need some lotion for this one.  Gallons and gallons.  For your yard too.

There are more, but I have coffee to drink, incandescent light bulbs to leave on all day, windows to open and air conditioning to crank up.

WAIT – I don’t want to ignore the Universe.  It’s a cutter too.  Just think “asteroids”.  Then, run inside and try to forget that horrid “Deep Impact” movie.  It always makes me cry.  Not because of the disaster, but because that movie was awful.

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One Response to Grateful Earth Day

  1. Brandi says:

    This completely made my day.

    And? I LOVE me a good natural disaster movie–even the crappy ones.

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