The Obama Speech I Most Want To Hear

My fellow Americans, I understand your anger at Washington.  I pay taxes too.  I am furious at the men and women who write the laws and formulate the policies that they then manipulate for gain, both political and financial.  I am down right pissed off at the politicians who had a large hand in causing the current housing bubble/mortgage crisis by forcing banks to lend to those who are unable to pay their bills and should never have gotten a mortgage.  I am equally angry at those same cowardly politicians who caused the crisis and are now blaming everyone but themselves.

In keeping with this shared anger, I am going to ask for the resignation of anyone in my cabinet and administration who has not paid their taxes, including back taxes beyond the statute of limitations.  Mr. Geithner, I expect your resignation on my desk by 9 AM tomorrow.  Also, paper clip a check written out to “Department of the Treasury” for the full amount of back taxes you owe including interest.

Politicians who write tax laws and then don’t pay their taxes must resign their posts as they have broken the trust of the people.  Charles Rangle, we start with you.  You will also be required to vacate three of your four rent controlled apartments by 5 PM tomorrow.  The rest of you, you know who you are, I expect to hear of your resignation within 48 hours.  Additionally, we the People of the United States of America require money orders for the full amount of back taxes you owe, including interest, to be delivered to the IRS by Thursday.

On to the financial crisis: Barney Frank and Chris Dodd, you will resign immediately.  You will cease and desist blaming the banks for predatory lending practices and you will confess to the full Congress and the American People your part in the current financial crisis.  Mr. Dodd, you will produce for this Congress the complete documentation for your mortgages obtained through Countrywide.  You may also be prosecuted for any actions and illegal benefits obtained.

My promise to the people of these United States of America is that we will admit when we are wrong, we will not cover for our cronies and their crimes in order to benefit politically.  We will prosecute tax dodgers even if they are former senators who get the use of free limousines and drivers.  My promise is that the laws we write we ourselves will obey or face the full might of the arm of justice.

Thank you.

P.S. We also appologize for demonizing and vilefying the former administration in order to win this election.  Sorry W, my bad.  Call me, we’ll do lunch.

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5 Responses to The Obama Speech I Most Want To Hear

  1. Phelps says:

    I pay taxes too.

    Yeah, right.

  2. Lisa says:

    I’d love to be a size 8 again, too! Never gonna happen.

  3. teeveebee says:

    Don’t hold your breath.

  4. vivianlouise says:

    I know, I know…just dreaming of an accountable and honest administration.

    Also, I’d like a dapple gray Pegasus.

  5. Nick says:

    Actually, I think he could do this one. After backing out of all his campaign promises this one should be easy. But really, what do we expect? The intent of anyone that would so readily do away with our first and second amendments can be nothing but malevolent.

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