Fluffy Stuffed Bear of Death

I dread Valentine’s Day, not so much because I am a singleton and am reminded yearly of that fact by the Hallmarkiness of the celebration of what I like to call National Single’s Awareness Day.  Though, that does play a role.  More so I dread it because of the ratcheted up obnoxiousness of Valentine’s Day commericals.

Especially from The Vermont Teddy Bear Company.  Below is the most egregious example of the sickeningly sentimental Valentine’s commercial.  Watch it if you dare, I recommend having an airsickness bag on hand just for your own safety and comfort, comments to follow:

Gack!  Have a mint.

While the entire commercial is awkward and ham handed, the women are over the top.  In fact, THESE women start moaning and gasping just like they are caught mid-coitus or are auditioning for Harry Met Sally, The Musical!  Typical stupid fictional women.

And the guys?  Typical stupid fictional men.  Especially TSFM with the $45 tacky tattoo  that he got that night the frat guys got him drunk on Boonesfarm Apple then dragged him to the Cheesy & Meaningless Tattoo Parlor at the Mall where he chose tattoo #64 from sheet #103, Sweet Tattoos for Your Inner Ken Doll, Mattel  (c)1973.

Neither stereotype is attractive or accurate.  The point of the commercial is clear: send your woman a cheesy, stuffed and tattooed bear and she will put out the good stuff.  The comments are way over the top as well, “He’s so LAAARRRGE!”.  Yeah, like I can’t figure that one out.  Come on!

I hate this depiction of men.  I hate this depiction of women.  I hate the Hallmarkification of St. Valentine.  I hate stuffed bears.  I really hate stuffed bears in faux leather jackets.

Valentine’s Day is an ancient day of pagan and Christian origin.  For the pagans it was a day of fertility.  (Really?  I’m shocked!)  For Christians it is a celebration of St. Valentine, the remarkable Bishop of Interamna who defied the Emperor Claudius to perform outlawed rights of marriage for the outlawed faith of Christ.

The gormless men and heaving chested women of the commercial cheapen all of the deep and abiding tradition.

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5 Responses to Fluffy Stuffed Bear of Death

  1. Phelps says:

    Reminds me of my favorite De Beers slogan:

    “Diamonds… she pretty much has to.”

  2. vivianlouise says:


  3. Nancy says:

    They’ve done terrible things to a children’s toy!

  4. Dana says:

    Valentine’s Day – just another expectation to be met. Meh.

  5. teeveebee says:

    Excuse me. I think I am going to be sick.

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