Happy New Year! YAY!
Kiki’s Dad is in town for the holidays so she suggested we (me, Dad, Kiki and Kiki’s Dad) take the New Year’s Cruise on the Spirit of Washington, and Dad and I thought it would be fun. It was fun. But, of course, I have comments.
To begin with: The crew,waitstaff and bartenders were fantastic. They were attentive but not annoying, cheerful and friendly.
The food: Was actually really pretty good. I took a cruise from work on the Dandy and the food was wretched, pretty much inedible. Because of that I didn’t have high expectations, but the SOW food was edible. It wasn’t out of this world fabulous, but just fine.
The ship: Again, to compare the Dandy to the SOW, the ship was much nicer and I could walk outside on deck. In the Dandy I felt trapped the whole time, there were no open windows, no outside deck to walk on, nothing. The air conditioning system on the Dandy smelled stale. On the SOW I could take a walk outside, hear the water, smell it, feel the breeze.*
Now, on to the guests. Oh. My. Lanta. I should know better than to be shocked at the stupidity of people and the gross behavior of the 20 crowd, but crikey! They were awful, but I’ve run into these types of buttheads before, let me describe them to you:
- The Electric Slide Queen: This is the chick who rules the floor as soon as the Electric Slide begins. She knows this dance and insists that everyone do it the way she does. She is also the one who can’t keep track of her surroundings so she inevitably knocks someone over or knocks into a table. The ESQ on NYE ran into 5 people and 2 tables, and in true ESQ form, she didn’t apologize or stop the Slide.
- Oookie Romance Couple: There were about 6 representatives of this couple. These are the ones who don’t have an original romantic bone in their bodies. They watch movies and copy the moves. Like feeding each other. Their attempts at romantic interaction are stifled, weird, unnatural and embarrassing to watch. Usually their behavior is totally inappropriate to the circumstance or location. Also, in an attempt to be totally romantic, the couple excludes everyone from their world. That’s cool, I get it, you’re in love. Blah blah blah. However, if you are on a dinner cruise and sharing a table with 6 other people, pay attention when someone says “Excuse me”. One couple sat at the aisle position on our row of tables. Euw. Our couple was rude, really frickin rude. In contrast to the ORC, we had on the other end an Actual Romantic Couple. The ARC were delightful, they were obviously in love, they were able to express physical affection without making us feel like we were watching live porn or bad Lifetime Movies of the Week. They were also happy to be included in our conversation from time to time.
- Overtly Sexualized Public Displays of Affection Couple: There were about 10 of these, but the worst was at the table next to us. I’m pretty sure the girl got pregnant last night during the dessert course. The rest of the OSPDAC’s were coarse in their behavior, but didn’t quite reach the excesses of the Porn Couple next to us.
- Unattractively Overflowing Cup Girl – There were three. I still don’t understand the attraction in muffin-top boobies. It just looks painful.
- The “I have never drunk this much alcohol at sea” girl – Funny enough, this girl was part of the ORC at our table. About 11:00 she sat in her boyfriend’s lap and looked totally wasted. Then her head popped up and I began to pray she would hurl the other way. She made it to the hallway about 5 feet behind me and vomited for two full minutes. A spectacular display of vomitus. On carpet.
- Fugly Dress Girl – I just spent about 20 minutes trying to find a picture of this dress and I just can’t. It’s short, sleeveless, stretchy, ruched, formfitting and ugly on everyone. Seriously, not one of the 15 girls wearing versions of this dress looked good in it, and they all had fabulous bodies. It’s just an ugly as hell dress. There were plenty of gorgeous dresses, wonderful lovely confections that just made me happy to look at them. The fugly dress? It should be burned and the designers who inflict this nonsense on women should be branded and never allowed near sissors and bolts of fabric again.
- Raised by Wolves Boy or Girl: Oddly, again it was the ORC that most represented this. This guy and girl had no idea how to behave in public or how to keep their germs to themselves. The guy kept putting his napkin on the table when he got up instead of on his seat like he was supposed to. That dang nasty ass napkin ended up on Marco’s plate. I moved it and the guy got pissy. Then there were the women who didn’t wash their hands after using the bathroom. I’m sure men do this, but I see the women. About 6 women used the toilet and did not wash their hands. I saw them later dancing, and touching just about every dang thing on the ship with their nasty peepee hands. WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!! It takes 30 seconds to properly wash your hands after you use the toilet. WASH THEM!!!!!!!!!!**
The majority of the people were well behaved in a New Year’s Eve Party kind of way, we were loud and happy. Dad, Marco, Kiki and I had a lot of fun just talking and people watching.
*Speaking of breezes – That night the DC area was under severe wind advisarys and warnings. We’d been chasing our trashcans all day. The SOW didn’t leave the dock until 10:30 PM instead of 9:00 as scheduled because of the wind. When I did take walks on the deck the winds were at about 25 miles per hour. Down from the 60 mph earlier in the day.
** I’m really not a germ-o-phobe. Really. It’s just completely revolting to share spaces with people who don’t wash their hands after peeing and pooping and then wiping. EUW.